I’m one of those people - the ones who write a Christmas newsletter each year. However, with understanding that many people find this sort of behavior irritating, I do my best to spice the normal who-did-what up with humor. So, this is what went out this year…
It’s been a pretty quiet year. Cheryl was concentrating on school, taking three courses in the spring. Cayce was concentrating on the business, still trying to make a go of it. The kids were… um… honey, where are the kids?
I kid, of course. The kids had a good year, Eoin played another couple seasons of soccer, Aine tried it, but returned to gymnastics. Both are doing well in school. But, really… as we go back over the year there’s just not a lot that stands out in the “I can make that funny” sense. We’re just not quite in the holiday spirit. We sort of go through a cycle, I guess: two years on and one year off. We have a tree this year, but whether due to laziness or just being busy, we have utterly failed to roll out any outside decorations. The usual list Cheryl makes of what went on in the past year that prompts me on what to write has yet to materialize and, well it’s the 15th and there’s a deadline. So, I’ve given it a lot of thought (and by “a lot” what I mean is “very little”), and I’m just gonna tell you this story of my evening last night, and hope that you find it funny (cause it is).
The first sign of trouble greeted me as I walked through the door. As the story goes, to what do my wondering eyes should appear… In this case, what appeared was my wife, Cheryl. At the sink. With a plunger.
“We have a problem.”
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Kids are honest. Unless they’re talking about something they want, or something they did (or didn’t do), you can rest reasonably assured that whatever a kid under 12 tells you is the truth. They have no filter. If a kid tells you you’re fat, you are. If a kid tells you you’re ugly, well face it - you’re ugly. And if a kid tells you you’re Billy-Joel-ugly, but without the talent or fame, go ahead and smack him for being a rude little shit. After you do that, though, you should also give up hope of ever dating anyone remotely resembling Christie Brinkley (unless you are talented and/or famous).
Realistically speaking, though, these are things you already know. Take me, for instance. I’m fat. I know it. At a soccer practice some kid’s 3-yr-old sister comes over and says to me, “you have a BIG belly”. The kid’s mom, mortified, grabbed her daughter and started to scold her. The kid wasn’t doing anything wrong, she was just being honest. I told her mom “it’s okay, it’s not a secret” and she chuckled and relaxed a little.
The point is to not let it get to you. You know you’re ugly, or fat, or an asshole. I’ve never actually been called an asshole by a little kid, but I’ve seen it in their eyes. They’re thinking it, and the only reason they don’t say it is because they know they’ll get in trouble. Regardless, it’s true - I am, at times, a complete asshole. Especially to little kids, who are easy targets because they can’t really fight back.
Don’t fight the truth. Just admit it to yourself, embrace it and move on. One final example… My son (10 yrs old) was explaining to me something they’d been doing in art class, where they drew a portrait without looking at the page or lifting the pencil. He asked me if he could draw me and I told him no. He asked why not, and I answered “because I’m pretty ugly”. His response… “No, daddy, this would just be your face.” You know what I took away from it? My son thinks I’m a pretty good-looking guy. From the neck up.
It’s hard not to feel bad for these folks after they took time off work to meet their hero, but when your hero is a failed vice presidential candidate and former governor of Alaska who resigned halfway through her first term in office, you shouldn’t really be surprised when she ditches you in the cold for something better.
…and all I got was an entire day full of great insight (and a great t-shirt).
A couple of weeks ago, I spent a Saturday at the Times-Union Center in Jacksonville attending LessConf. This was a day-long event put on by local company LessEverything, makers of LessAccounting, LessTimeSpent, and a host of other products and applications. Billed as “A conference for marketers, designers, coders, business people, freelancers or anyone who wants to be inspired by amazing business people,” it did not disappoint.
Except at first, when we were all sitting in the theater and it seemed like nobody really had it together or knew what was going on. Steve finally threw it to the audience for jokes while we waited for the T-U folks to get the audio and stage set up. I told my whale joke, someone told a penis joke, and it threatened to quickly go down hill from there. Luckily, everything was ready and we moved on to the first speakers.
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